Tag Archive for: Diane Wilde

08/04/2022 “Coping With Loneliness” with Diane Wilde

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There is no denying it… loneliness is an epidemic in our world today. Ironically, the more diversions that come our way, i.e. access to entertainment, social media, easy access to shopping — apparently the lonelier we are becoming. Out of loneliness, we create stories about ourselves which are often distorted, which lead to further suffering. How can we address the issue of loneliness effectively? Can loneliness be eliminated in our lives? Should it? What can loneliness teach us about truly connecting with ourselves and as well as establishing meaningful connections with others? A lot to consider!

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07/07/2022 “I’m Bored… What to Do!” with Diane Wilde

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Do you find yourself easily bored? Or do you sometimes feel like a boring person?
In daily life, when we’re bored or feel that we are no longer interesting, we’re uncomfortable with our basic state of being. It’s an unsettled feeling, often bringing up thoughts such as “What is my purpose?” or “Why aren’t I doing something important?” Boredom can easily morph into loneliness and the suffering that comes from feeling disconnected from others. We also associate this emotion with restlessness/anxiety and when taken to an extreme, boredom is often blamed for addictive behavior and even violence.
We often find ourselves “bored”while we meditate. Boredom is often internally translated as “I’m not doing this right”, which leads us to compare ourselves to others creating more suffering. It’s an uncomfortable mental state that we rarely investigate. We just want it to go away and get back to enjoying a “good” meditation.
The good news is that boredom can be our gateway into truly understanding ourselves, both in daily life and on the cushion. It can even lead to enhanced creativity! We will discuss how we can transform boredom from restlessness and anxiety, to insight and happiness.

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05/26/2022 “Is it possible to be ’empty’ of self in daily life?” with Diane Wilde

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Resolving the conflict between a “healthy ego” and the Buddhist goal of experiencing the truth of “no permanent abiding self” can be a confusing process. Yet, if we don’t undertake the process, our suffering continues. For example, we sit on our cushions cultivating patience and tolerance, yet in our daily life we find ourselves frustrated with others’ opinions that do not reliably conform to our way of thinking. The Buddhist solution is to explore the path which leads towards understanding and experiencing “no permanent abiding self.” Not easy in a world which cannot even agree on basic scientific truths. We will discuss some practical applications for the cultivation of “no permanent self”, or “emptiness,” on the cushion and in daily life.

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03/31/2022 “The Paradox of Shame” with Diane Wilde

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We all experience shame.  It is a universal emotion with some social scientists and psychologists saying it is an innate human trait, and others insisting it evolved within our social fabric. It is considered an absolutely essential emotion in some societies, and yet, is also frequently considered mentally damaging. The causes of shame have dramatically changed, from lack of adherence to prescriptive social mores of the past, to shaming of individuals on social media today. The Buddha also taught about shame (hiri) and its companion, the dread of shame (ottapa). Shame and the reasons for shame as taught by the Buddha are quite different then the “shaming” we experience in contemporary society. We will discuss this complex emotion, its history and why it is an important, yet often overlooked Buddhist teaching.

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01/06/2022 “Are You Listening?” with Diane Wilde

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Did you know that listening is a learned skill?  Unlike speech which comes naturally to us, REALLY listening isn’t an innate trait. Why is that? Listening requires taming the ego-driven addiction to being center stage, and trying to take over another’s “air time”. To speak is to articulate words that convey meaning, and to listen is to understand the true intent behind words being spoken. When the Buddha spoke about Right Speech, he was including both sides of the communication equation; skillful means of intentional speech as well as intentional listening.  Skillful listening means listening mindfully to others, especially when we habitually discount what “they” have to say. It also means listening deeply to our own innate wisdom, which we too frequently ignore because it may not align with our long-held beliefs about ourselves. Learning how to deeply listen is a skill that changes attitudes and beliefs as well as enhancing empathy and community.  Deep listening is a great skill to learn for the new year.

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10/07/2021 “Learning to Live and Die in the Anthropocene” with Diane Wilde

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The vast majority of us, if we are at all concerned about our planet, are suffering from “climate anxiety”, a new mental phenomena that is now recognized by psychotherapists. We have good reason for having anxiety, especially those of us living in California. Fires, drought and daily reminders of our tenuous environmental situation causes two different responses: to completely ignore the situation or succumb to nihilism. Neither of these responses is helpful for the earth or the individual. Our Buddhist practice sheds much needed light on how we move forward in these challenging times.

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06/03/2021 “Practicing Nonattachment” with Diane Wilde

The Challenge of Practicing Nonattachment as a Lay Person

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Monks and ascetics in the Buddha’s time practiced non-attachment which meant leaving wives, husbands, parents, children, and society. Contemporary monastics also take on the homeless life which the Buddha said was necessary for complete “awakening.” Where does this leave lay people? Lay people value the teachings, but there is confusion about practicing non-attachment in everyday life. How can we keep ourselves free from attachment with those beings we care about… pets, partners, children, grandchildren, good friends. Tonight we will look at how lay people can practice with the challenge of attachment in our relationships, in order for our practice to grow — with the hope of achieving true freedom.

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04/08/2021 “What is Normal?” with Diane Wilde

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After a year of pandemic isolation, we are slowly returning to “normal.” Many of us are now vaccinated, or will be soon, we are venturing out with friends and we might look forward to travel, eating out, movies, or long absent hugs. However, “normal” isn’t easily defined. Each individual is unique due to biology, personality and the causes and conditions that make up a life. Societies are different depending on values, cultural mores, spiritual traditions, political ideologies, and historical background. So, is there a universal “normal?” Is “normal” an achievable state? We will discuss what the Buddha and contemporary teachers have to say about striving for normalcy.

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02/25/2021 “How Conceited are YOU?” with Diane Wilde

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Conceit (“māna” in Pali) has a special meaning in the Buddha’s teachings; it has a broader and more profound definition than “stuck up”… the definition we usually associate with this word. Conceit in Buddhism can mean feeling superior, inferior, or the same as others. In other words, it is our habitual comparison of ourselves to others. Conceit is also the delusion that our experiences ARE ourselves, and that our self has boundaries and solid substance. According to the Pali canon, conceit is among the last defilements to fall away before full awakening. It is subtle and difficult to observe within ourselves… much easier to see in others! When we begin to experience conceit as it really is, we also begin understand and experience anatta: “No permanent self”.

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12/03/2020 “Forgiveness… What if you are not forgiven?” with Diane Wilde

Forgiveness… What if you are not forgiven?
A Discussion and a True Story

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Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness or not. It’s a state of mind that our culture and most faith traditions hold as a positive and worthwhile aspiration. Buddhism sees forgiveness a little differently. We will discuss those differences and the practicality of the Buddhist definition of forgiveness.

Edwin Paragas was recently released from twenty years of incarceration beginning when he was sixteen years old. He will tell the story of his own search for forgiveness from his victim’s family and his life now as a returning citizen.

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