Tag Archive for: Diane Wilde

Forgiveness… What if you are not forgiven?
A Discussion and a True Story

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Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness or not. It’s a state of mind that our culture and most faith traditions hold as a positive and worthwhile aspiration. Buddhism sees forgiveness a little differently. We will discuss those differences and the practicality of the Buddhist definition of forgiveness.

Edwin Paragas was recently released from twenty years of incarceration beginning when he was sixteen years old. He will tell the story of his own search for forgiveness from his victim’s family and his life now as a returning citizen.

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Being wrong: It is a fact of life that is often difficult to admit to others, as well as to ourselves. There are a myriad of lessons, teachings and inspiring examples of how to be successful in all facets of our life. We are so conditioned to be right, it is a jarring affront when we find ourselves on the “wrong side” of a situation or opinion. To compensate for this assault on the ego, we may even have developed rationalizing strategies in order to minimize or even negate being wrong. True acceptance of our mistakes and our own imperfections can lead to a healing of relationships, alleviation of much personal stress and may even open up to a much deeper understanding of “not self.”

The Value of Faith, The Value of Doubt

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Buddhism is unique among spiritual traditions by putting emphasis on both Faith and Doubt. Both are necessary for a balanced practice that benefits ourselves and others. Too much faith encourages certainty without examination of experience. It can lead to mind states such as “if only I practice a lot more, everything will be fine.” Too much doubt can be paralyzing. “Why do I bother? My practice is going nowhere. Nothing has changed!” Knowing how to balance these two extremes brings us to an authentic practice. This helps us not just in our personal practice, but aids in our interaction in the world which seems to insist on extremes at this present time.

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We are living through an incredible period, with impermanence being displayed in all its glory on a daily basis. Each day brings another jarring event, both sociologically, medically and personally. It’s truly revolutionary what’s taking place. The Buddha lived in revolutionary times as well, and there are some parallels which can provide guidance during these challenging times. How do we live lives of meaning when fear prevents us from socializing? How do we contend with those with whom we firmly disagree? How can we welcome others not just into our sangha, but into our lives? Essentially, we are looking for ways to create a kinder wiser society which is beginning to emerge from the current chaos. It’s a real revolution!

The Paradox of Physical Distancing…Finding Connection

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Join co-hosts Rev. Diane Wilde and Rich Howard on Zoom for a community evening looking at how we can connect in this extraordinary time of physical distancing and potential isolation. After we sit together, Diane and Rich will give short “dharmettes” to introduce the theme. The rest of the evening will be a chance for community members to share their experience and wisdom on how we are using the practice of meditative awareness in this time and what we are learning about our attachments in the process.

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Reading the title of this talk, “The End of the World” might bring up visual images such as a catastrophic asteroid strike, economic or religious conflicts that culminate into a devastating World War… or maybe a world wide pandemic. The Buddha in a few suttas addressed the ending of this world and what takes its place. The world as we knew it, is indeed ending. Nothing will be as it was, no matter how diligently some of us will try to make it “normal” again. It’s not just the exterior world we inhabit that is ending. As the Buddha taught, our internal mental world is continually ending and being reborn moment by moment. Actually being aware that this is taking place is an incredible opportunity to have a hand in how the new internal world will manifest. The internal world that emerges ultimately creates the external world. How we do that, and what we create is up to us.

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Do you lie? Yes you do. Research shows we all lie on a daily basis… often many times a day! Yet, truthfulness, and the avoidance of falsehood is emphasized over and over again in the Buddha’s teachings. Truthfulness is the first factor of Right Speech with specific guidelines on how to evaluate when, and how, to speak truthfully. Speaking truthfully is also the fourth of the Five Training Precepts, which are the basic virtues to be cultivated on our path to ease and happiness. Yet, we lie so frequently and for such a variety of reasons, that lying becomes an acceptable “necessity.” We maintain that we have plausible reasoning for our lies. Did the Buddha mean we must always be truthful? Let’s find out!

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Where have you heard that before? These words have become as ubiquitous a phrase as “Have a nice day!” How seriously should we take it, and is this directive even possible OR desirable?
This rather prosaic statement is stating in colloquial terms the core Buddhist practice of “non-attachment” — which is often viewed as one of the most confusing and seemingly impossible Buddhist injunctions… especially as a lay practitioner. How can we become non-attached to our children? Personal relationships? The state of the world? The confusion may come from our misunderstanding about what this teaching really means. We will discuss the deeper meaning of this statement, and methods for its practical application — both on and off the cushion.

The Buddha’s advise on what is insanity and how to cultivate a sound mind

Daylong Retreat with Ayya Santacitta and Rev. Diane Wilde; Two audio files:

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We human beings, in this human realm, rarely realize that we operating in a state of of delusion.Not only are we operating in a deluded state, we expect this current mind state to provide us a sense of happiness and well-being. Because we really have no idea what we are doing, the goal of happiness is illusive and frustrating. This is also the Buddhist view of mental disease. Delusion is a mental illness that causes all sorts of suffering; mental health can be restored by correcting the flaws in how the mind operates. We will investigate our “mental disease” in both classical terms as well as our contemporary daily life and how we can cultivate “sanity” both for ourselves and the larger world itself.

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We read often of the power of forgiveness and are inspired by those who, even after suffering the devastating loss of loved ones and community members, still forgive. Is this always the right response? In the Buddha’s teachings, patisaraniya-kamma or reconciliation — means a return to amicability, and that requires much more than forgiveness. What are the criteria for reconciliation that the Buddha set out and what do we do if we feel reconciliation is impossible?
There are right and wrong ways of attempting reconciliation: those that skillfully meet the necessary requirements for reestablishing trust, and those that don’t. To encourage right reconciliation among his followers, the Buddha formulated detailed methods for achieving it, along with a culture of values that encourages putting those methods to use.
We will discuss forgiveness, reconciliation and what needs to take place for these conditions to occur… or not.